(Me and Elise on her wedding day September 2015)
So before anything of great importance is said here… you must know that this blog post was inspired by an interview I did with my best friend before she married the love of her life last September… so in true Hollywood fashion… this post is inspired by real events.
“Finding Your Soulmate.” Is it cliche? Is it a topic that’s been beaten over it’s head until it’s bloodied and dead? Maybe. But like time itself, it is an undying pursuit and every person has this desire to love and be loved unconditionally… so here we go…
Last September my best friend, Elise, took the plunge with her soulmate, Chris. (I’m using real names because this chick should be famous.) But before she jumped into marriage head first, we did a Sister Radio show called “Finding Your Soulmate.” A lot of what I’m going to write is based on that conversation we had a year ago.. Because, well, it was priceless.
Elise had some qualms with the title of the show, saying, “Don’t go around looking for your soulmate.” And being from the age of “I’m a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man.” I get that. I mean, desperation stinks… like people can smell that… And desperation can only do one of two things, scare away the good ones or attract the stinky ones. You all know what I mean by that, I don’t need to elaborate further. So maybe the topic could have been re-worded into “How to Meet Your Soulmate.” Or something like that.
Actively pursuing relationships (especially in your 20’s, but not exclusive to this age group) and the desperation that can be bred in such conditions within oneself, remind me of that red haired woman in the classic film Wedding Crashers. There’s that one scene when Jeremy is trying to run away from his once enjoyable turned psycho fling, and she says to him, “If you leave, I will find you… [Insert crazy villain laughter]” I don’t want to be that girl. Hopefully no one wants to be that girl.
But the truth is that even though I am a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man, I do want to fall in love with my soulmate someday. Now, I know that soulmates aren’t just romantic, and believe you me, I am beyond blessed with so many wonderful soulmates who keep me grounded, laughing, and loved in the best and worst of times. As Owen Wilson’s character says in Wedding Crashers, “True love is your soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.” It’s not a matter of needing someone to complete you. It’s a connection with someone else that is rooted in unconditional love and respect, that gives way to an unbreakable bond that lasts a lifetime. It’s someone who you can go to at your worst. “And if the love ain’t unconditional, it ain’t your soulmate,” as Elise would say.
I know finding and falling in love with your soulmate is real because I’ve seen it happen in so many people’s lives. But then why does real love feel so elusive sometimes? Is it the times we’re living in or am I making it more complicated than it needs to be?
My best friend said, “It’s like when people want to have a baby but they’re not getting pregnant, so they decide to stop trying. And then boom… the second they stop “trying” they get pregnant.” The moral of the story being, the second you stop looking for it, it will find you.
I really don’t have much more insight on the topic because 1 year after our “Finding Your Soulmate” show, I am still single as a dollar bill. Not that I’m complaining because singleness is a gift, and as I already said, I’m so blessed with soulmates who are there for me no matter what. It doesn’t mean I’m sitting around waiting for Prince Charming to find me and complete me. I’m travelling the world, learning everything I can, finding wholeness within myself, and I know at the perfect moment that special someone will crash beautifully into my life.
So, in our show Elise had come up with 8 ways (that she swears by) to meet your romantic soulmate. (This is the condensed and somewhat edited version of what she says in the show, to hear everything we talked about listen HERE)
As told by Elise Davis, “8 Ways to Meet Your Soulmate”
#1 Don’t be picky.
“We all nasty and human.”
(Elise also went on to say that if she had known Chris, her soulmate, was going to be into Karate that she would have been like, “ewwww!” So, yeah, don’t be picky.)
#2 Give someone a million chances
“You may have had 999,000 chances to encounter or get to know someone but it might take a long time to realize that you’re in love. It may be someone who is right under your nose, and this will be the person that you love forever. You better give somebody at least 3 dates. And get rid of your check list.”
#3 Feel the vibes
“Within the first minute of meeting someone you get a sense of who they are. Are they looking you in the eye? Are they awkward, are they weird, are they normal? If it feels right, get their number. When you feel the vibes, you feel the vibes.”
#4 Look beneath the surface
“This one gets down to the nitty gritty. I mean, look in the mirror. Are you your ideal whatever? At the end of the day when you wake up next to somebody, they look scary. You’re like “Woah!” So no matter how cute someone looks during dinner they are always going to look weird the next day. So, don’t worry about physical appearance. Date some ugly dudes. Whatever. It will broaden your horizons.”
#5 Feel your feelings
“That sounds so simple. But for someone like me, it is not easy because when I’m truly sad or made or in love, I tend to do a “feeling block.” I know how to not feel the tough feelings. It’s not an easy thing to go through, especially if you can’t talk it through with people. And falling in love, no matter how many times you’ve done it, is a terrifying thing. And you might be in love with the person next to you but you’re too afraid to open the door.”
#6 Make a move
“If you know me, you know I’m the type of person to be like, “So are we about to kiss now or what?” Because if you’re not making the move people aren’t going to make it for you. If you want something then go and get it, just like if it was a job, or a book you want to write, or whatever it is, you go out there and get it. It’s hard but you gotta do it.”
(This is also where rejection is just a risk you’re going to have to take.)
#7 Learn about yourself
“If you’re falling in love with someone in a very serious way, chances are your pet peeves and issues are gonna turn up under the radar. So when you find those little parts of yourself where you’re like, “This is a problem,” you gotta figure out if it’s a problem you need to fix for yourself and grow as a human being. Do the work. Go to therapy.”
#8 Learn. I’m not kidding.
“Learn how to love and respect yourself, and most importantly EVERYONE. If you’re the type of person who walk around like a Negative Nancy, you’re not going to have a lot of friends, let alone lovers. So, make yourself the happiest person you can be for your sake and everyone around you. If you’re gonna look in the mirror and say “How are you?” to yourself, and fall apart… you’re NOT ready for a relationship. You need to be okay. You need to love yourself. You need to respect yourself. You need to be able to look in the mirror and say “Gotdam, I’m down for this.’”
I hope this is helpful for all you single ladies out there. Remember: You’re beautiful and the best is yet to come. As Bob Marley once said, “Don’t you worry about a thing, ‘cause every little thing is gonna be alright.”
By Isabelle Champagne (and Elise Davis)
Listen to the show “Finding Your Soulmate” HERE